The Smell of Blood (Old Version)
by ToriTC198
Summary: EDIT: The new version is posted and complete. Go read that one instead. Derek smells blood near the Stilinski house and goes to investigate. He is stunned by what he finds. Sterek. TW: Self-harm, near death experience.
1. The Smell of Blood

_AN: I do not own Teen Wolf or any of its characters._

* * *

The Smell of Blood

The copper tang of blood filled Derek's nose as he neared the Stilinski house. His first instinct was to panic. His next, and the one he listened to, was to assess the situation before going in. Already the back of his mind had filed that particular blood smell through a list of the people he knew. It was no doubt that the blood was from Stiles. He had smelled that blood more times than he liked to recount. Carefully and quietly he crept around the side of the house peering in each window as he went. Nothing looked wrong with the first floor so he leapt to the roof and started a visual search of the second floor. As he rounded the corner on Stiles' room the blood smell intensified and he had to force himself not to tear into the room without paying attention to the situation. Instead he took a deep calming breath, which was less calming then he would have liked since it was tainted with the smell of the blood of someone very important to him, and he craned his neck around the window to see inside.

Derek didn't know what he had been expecting. Perhaps he thought he would see the alpha pack standing over a dying Stiles, or maybe Gerard had come back for revenge, or perhaps even it was just some human robber that had chosen the wrong house to rob. The last thing on Derek's mind was that all he would see was Stiles. Stiles with a razor.

For a moment Derek was frozen. He didn't know how to process this new information. His mind tried denying what his eyes were telling him. Stiles wouldn't be hurting himself on purpose. There had to be a reason. Derek snapped back to reality when he saw Stiles preparing to draw another mark on his already broken skin. In an instant the window was thrown open and the werewolf had ahold of the razor. Stiles blinked up at him in shock for a moment, then suddenly connecting the werewolf in his room with the marks on his body he tried to hide the evidence of what he had done.

"Oh hey, Derek, what are you doing around here?" Stiles asked feebly. As he casually moved his arm around so that it was behind his back. He knew it was stupid, but some small part of him was in denial that Derek had seen anything.

Silence met his question and Stiles sat awkwardly staring at Derek for a while. Derek had his head down and refused to meet Stiles eyes. He wasn't sure he could speak over the lump in his throat.

"Well um… This has been fun and all," Stiles' voice was higher than normal and laced with panic, "but I have somewhere I need to be so I'm going to leave." Stiles got up delicately and made to exit the room. He found his way blocked by a wall of Derek. Derek's hand had found its way to his shoulder and was lightly keeping him in place.

"Why?"

It was the most broken sounding word Stiles had ever heard from Derek's mouth. It sounded choked back by something. It could have been anger, or fear, or even perhaps tears. Stiles didn't really want to speculate, he just wanted to escape this whole situation. "Well you know… places to be… not really my choice. There isn't much 'why?' to it. I just need to go."

Finally meeting his gaze Derek growled out, "I'm not asking why you're trying to leave and you know it. I want to know why you would do this to yourself."

Finally looking into Derek's eyes was what broke Stiles. He was floored by the pain and sorrow that he saw swimming in those big blue-gray eyes. Stiles felt his control of the situation start to slip. He couldn't keep pretending that everything was fine and he couldn't keep brushing off what Derek had walked in on. When faced with those eyes all he could do was break down. So he did. At first just a few tears slipped out but soon they were cascading down his face. Just as he lost the ability to stand Derek was there to catch him. He found himself on the floor enfolded in Derek's warm arms. Stiles clung to him like his life depended on it.

They sat for a while together on the floor as Stiles continued to weep. Derek just held the boy and rubbed soothing patterns onto his back to calm him down. Once Stiles had reasonably more control, Derek stood up, gave Stiles a look that told him to stay put, and went to the bathroom for a washcloth. He grabbed a small bucket that he found under the sink and filled it with warm water and brought that with the washcloth. Wordlessly he came back into Stiles' room and picked up the arm that was still slightly bleeding. Very gingerly he started to wash away the blood that had already dried. As he went, his heart broke more and more. Not just because of these new marks covering the Stiles' skin but because underneath the blood he found scars of past cuts. Derek tried to think of a time that Stiles had ever worn anything that didn't hide his arms and his mind came up empty. He had no idea how long Stiles had been hiding this secret.

"It started after my mom died."

Derek paused briefly in his work as if to absorb Stiles' words.

Stiles had watched the werewolf work in silence for a few minutes before he decided to speak up. Something about the atmosphere in the room had shifted and Stiles felt that he owed an explanation to this man who was so carefully taking care of him. Receiving no more response from Derek, Stiles continued, "It was how I dealt with my panic attacks. When I felt myself slipping… losing control… I would do what I could to try and focus on the present instead of on whatever was trigging my attack. At first I just would dig my nails into my hands but once I realized that the pain from that kept me grounded I started finding easier ways to cause the pain. Now I've been doing it for so long… I'm…I'm not certain anymore how to stop."

Derek looked up at him then. There was no judgment in his gaze, no blame or anger either, just understanding. "Stiles," He began, his voice cracking a bit, "I don't know what you've gone through and I can't erase the past. But I promise you that you can stop this. I can help you. You're one of the strongest people I know, and you have people who love you all around you, you can find it in yourself to beat this." He trailed off for a moment before adding, "I'm so sorry I didn't realize sooner."

"No Derek, this has nothing to do with you. Don't try to blame yourself. I didn't want anyone to know. It's not your fault that you never noticed."

"No, I'm the alpha. It's my job to know when one of my pack needs help. Especially when that person is the one I care most about. The one I love." Derek said the words quickly as if he were embarrassed to say them but his eyes never left Stiles' and they spoke of nothing but truth.

"Derek… I thought… I never knew…" Stiles paused briefly to collect himself, "I feel the same." His stuttering answer was broken as Derek pulled the boy closer and wrapped his arms around him.

"I know."

Stiles pulled away from the embrace to look the alpha in his eyes. Encouraged by the affection he found in them, Stiles leaned forward and gently kissed his sour wolf. It was brief and chaste but it communicated the depth of the love that the two shared for each other. Stiles felt sure that in the future, and in a less serious setting, they would do much more kissing. "So," Stiles said, "What now."

"How about we start with you promising me that we can work to help you stop hurting yourself? Because I don't think I could bear ever seeing you do this to yourself again. We'll get through this together."

"I promise. And Derek?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

Derek quietly tightened his hold on Stiles and he didn't let go for a long, long time.

* * *

_AN: Well, that's the end. I could potentially write a sequel if there is interest because I can see this going somewhere but I'm not certain. I mostly just wanted to write a more realistic self-harm fic. I've read a lot where Derek find Stiles self-harming and it somehow leads almost immediately to sex or making out and while I enjoy sex and making out as much as the next girl I find it really isn't a realistic thing for people to do right after one of the two is found cutting. As a former cutter myself, this is a much better way to deal with someone you love cutting. The proper response is never, "You're bleeding, let me screw your brains out because I love you and don't want to see you hurt."_


	2. The Long Road Ahead

_AN: There appeared to be mild interest in a continuation so I figured why not? Again, trigger warning for self-harm. Also I sadly do not own any of Teen Wolf's characters._

The Long Road Ahead

Derek would never forget that moment when he had discovered Stiles' secret. He would also never forget the day that followed. He had stayed with Stiles through the night; even fell asleep in his bed, because he just couldn't stand the thought of leaving him right then. When he awoke and the memories came flooding back to him he shuddered. In his mind he could see the cruel glint of the razor tearing through the skin of the person he loved. A thought occurred to him then. "Stiles?" Derek gently shook the boy to wake him up. "Stiles, wake up."

Stiles rolled over dramatically taking every scrap of blanket with him. He mumbled something about grumpy doughnuts taking over the world and how he couldn't wake up because he needed to collect more sporks to arm the defenders of earth. Derek raised an eyebrow at that. It took a moment, but suddenly it clicked in Stiles' mind that the voice telling him to wake up was not one he expected to hear in the morning.

"Derek!" He yelped sitting up suddenly and almost falling off the bed in the process. Another few moments passed as his sleep addled brain cycled through his thoughts enough to remember why Derek was here. For a moment his face fell at the thought of what Derek had seen but then a small smile tugged at his lips when he remembered the result of that particular discovery.

"Morning." Derek intoned.

"Hardly." Stiles shot back quickly. "Is the sun even up yet?"

"No. I just had a thought and I didn't want to go back to sleep and forget it." Derek admitted almost sheepishly. Stiles said nothing and Derek assumed that was an invitation to continue. "Stiles…" Derek cleared his throat and took a calming breath. This was harder than he thought it would be. The last thing he wanted to do was bring up what he had seen. Derek felt fragile, like he didn't have the strength right now to confront the issue of Stiles hurting himself. Derek knew though that he had to be strong for Stiles. Stiles needed his help. Still, he couldn't bring himself to look Stiles in the eye as he asked, "Where did the razor end up Stiles? I had it in my hand for an instant but I put it down and later it wasn't where I left it."

Silence met his question and for a moment Derek was terrified that Stiles would lie to him or flat out refuse to give up the razor. Derek was certain in that second of quiet that Stiles had changed his mind overnight and wasn't going to accept Derek's help.

Stiles answer, when it came, was quiet and laced with guilt. "I saw that you put it down and I grabbed it back up. I don't even know why I did it, Derek, I just felt like I needed it. I hid it under the bed." Now it was Stiles who couldn't meet Derek's gaze. Derek on the other hand felt a little bit sick to think that he had slept so soundly last night while the object of Stiles' pain lay right underneath him. "I panicked, Derek. I'm sorry. It was just sort of… instinct."

The pitiful tone in Stiles voice had Derek wrapping his arms around the boy again. "It's alright, Stiles. I understand. " After a brief pause, Derek was letting go of Stiles and getting on the floor looking under the bed to locate the hidden blade. It hadn't even been hidden really, just placed in the shadows under the bedframe. Derek resisted the urge to growl as his hand curled around the offending object. It seemed so tiny in his hand but it had the potential to hurt and even kill. "Stiles, are there others? Do you have more hidden anywhere?"

That was the question Stiles had been dreading and he felt himself curl inwards a little as his mind tried to shy away from the inquiry. He had never thought when he started this whole thing that cutting would become what it did. It wasn't simply the calming technique it had started out as. For years it had been a crutch to him when he had no idea how to process what was happening in his life. In those years he had learned to associate the tearing of his skin with the release of happy endorphins and the feeling of regaining his control and his footing in the craziness of the world. It had become an addiction. One he was terrified to let go of.

Derek's voice brought him out of his thoughts again. "Stiles, answer the question." Derek's voice sounded demanding now but behind the demand Stiles could hear the brokenness and fear as well. "I'm trying to help you, Stiles. Please let me." His voice had gotten softer again towards the end of his sentence and Derek had taken Stiles' hand in his. Stiles noticed that Derek's other hand still held the razor; light reflecting off the metal and a smear of blood still visible.

The look in Derek's eyes when Stiles finally looked up into Derek's face was enough to give him the courage to answer Derek's question. Stiles swallowed and tried to find his voice. He failed. Instead he stood up slowly and without a word he started leading Derek around his room. As they went he gathered things from their hiding spots. He handed them to Derek who took them without comment or reaction. Derek watched as Stiles took a knife from his dresser drawer, a collection of thumb tacks from under his desk, a pair of scissors from the top of the desk, a second razor from the inside of a picture frame and a broken piece of glass from his closet.

Derek held this small collection of objects in his hands and tried not to think about what these things had done to the body of Stiles. What Stiles had done. It was hard. It was harder than anything Derek had dealt with since the day of the fire and he felt like he was losing his sanity a little but he had to be strong for Stiles. So he fought his imagination. He refused to allow himself to picture Stiles carving patterns into his own flesh. He refused to think about Stiles needing the release of pain so badly that he would need something within reach at all times. He refused to think these things, but they came to his mind anyway.

It only got worse from there. Just as Stiles has finished his round of the room and Derek thought he could just go smash these horrible things to pieces, Stiles opened the door of his room and continued down the hall. He led Derek all over the house continuing to gather items. These new items were expertly hidden and most were rather inconspicuous items anyway like more scissors and some kitchen knives. Things the Sherriff would assume had merely been misplaced if he had found them. Things the Sheriff would never have thought twice about despite the fact that every one of them had taken part in the injury of his only child. As long as it was sharp it had served the only purpose Stiles needed for it. Derek had lost count of the number of sharp things Stiles had led him to. Stiles still hadn't said a word.

As they progressed throughout the house Derek did notice that Stiles had started to look just a bit happier with each item he unveiled. After a while he started to seem like he was taking pride in the fact that he was letting go of these things that held such sway over him. Derek felt that pride swell up in him as well. For a moment he stopped walking with Stiles and just let the feeling of knowing that he and Stiles were going to get through this soak into him. Stiles, feeling the lack of Derek behind him came back to where Derek still stood. Abruptly, Derek dropped his pile of weapons on a nearby table and he reached towards Stiles. He pulled him into a fierce embrace and quietly whispered, "Thank you." Into Stiles' ear.

The hug was over before Stiles had a chance to hug back. Derek had retrieved his horrible collection and was looking expectantly at Stiles waiting for him to continue.

It took almost an hour for Stiles to comb the whole house and retrieve everything he had ever used to cut. By the end Derek had been forced to find a small cardboard box to contain it all. "Well," Stiles stated as he handed Derek one last blade, "That's everything."

Later, Derek would look back on that moment and recall that Stiles heart had sped up briefly as he said those words. At the time though all Derek was thinking of was what creative ways he could use to destroy all the things held in his box of torment. Some of them would probably burn if he made a hot enough fire. Some of them were thin and could be crushed easily by his powerful claws. Whatever it took he was going to demolish this entire box. He held more hatred for this small box of inanimate objects then he ever had for the Alpha pack or Gerard Argent.

Stiles for his part looked exhausted. He collapsed onto the couch and looked to Derek. When Derek didn't react Stiles patted the seat next to him. He had a smile on his face now. A genuine smile that warmed Derek's heart. He placed the box on the floor for now and took the seat that had been offered to him. Without even consciously thinking about it, his arm had automatically gone around Stiles and pulled him closer. Derek decided he was okay with that.

"Derek," Stiles said quietly, "I think I can do this. I really think I can. I'm terrified out of my mind at the thought but for the first time I feel like perhaps I have the chance to stop."

"Of course you can do this, Stiles. You are, and always have been, far stronger than you know. I know that this won't be easy on you. I know that after spending years of dealing with your problems in a certain way it will be hell to break that habit but I know you can do it. I will be here every second of the way." Derek was looking deep into Stiles' eyes now and after an instant's hesitation Derek lowered his lips to Stiles'. His kiss was returned with enthusiasm but in the back of his mind Derek knew he needed to get that damn box out of the house. So he pulled back and with one last quick peck he stood up and collected the box from the ground. He left that day feeling confident that things were going to get better and the fact that, despite the terrible circumstances, he finally had Stiles.

As Stiles watched Derek leave he ignored the voice in the back of his head. The voice that reminded him how he kept sneaking glances at the box, even as he had sat with Derek, as if he was drawn to it. The voice reminded him of that one last razor hiding underneath the bar of soap in his bathroom. The voice reminded him how he had left that one on purpose.

'It's just in case.' He told the voice. 'I'm not actually going to use it. It's just a safety net.'

The voice didn't answer.

'It's only just in case.'

_AN: Well you asked for more. I gave more as requested. No one told me not to make it a cliffhanger. _


	3. Life Goes On

_AN: Second to last chapter. This one will be longer than the other two because I have more to get through._

Life Goes On

It had been a week since what Stiles' had termed, "Ground Zero." Ground Zero had been when he tore down his coping mechanism to start building again on a new foundation. Now he was on day seven of the hardest promise of his life. At the end of each day he made it through he would get home to find Derek waiting in his room. Stiles would never admit it except with his sarcasm shield up, but the stress relief of being able to walk into Derek's arms each night was the only thing that held him together those first few days. Derek felt like the rock in what had become a very turbulent sea. The very thought of never taking a blade to his skin again had him wanting to cut just to feel its power over him again. The warmth and strength that leeched into him through Derek was enough to ward those thoughts off each day.

Derek spent the first week hanging out around the school when Stiles was in class and then heading to Stiles' house the second Stiles made to go home. It wasn't that he didn't trust Stiles to keep his promise and it wasn't that he thought Stiles was too weak to get through this, it was because he realized how close he may have come to losing Stiles. In his mind Derek's imagination played all the times that Stiles had sat alone in his room drawing one line after another into his skin. Derek thought of how many times Stiles could have risked cutting too deeply or too much. As a werewolf Derek was no stranger to death, but the thought of Stiles dying by his own hands was too much for Derek. So he kept an eye on Stiles to assure himself that Stiles was still there.

The first pack meeting after Ground Zero produced a few raised eyebrows. Lydia was the first to notice something was amiss. She didn't say anything aloud but Stiles noticed the look she gave him when he sat down next to Derek. Allison saw Lydia's look too and Stiles saw her lean over to Scott and whisper something in his ear. At that point obviously everyone in the room was thinking that something suspicious was going on because a whisper isn't very effective in a room full of werewolves. All eyes turned slowly to look in the direction of Derek and Stiles.

They had talked about pack reactions. Stiles has asked him at one point if his "Big Scary Alpha," image would be ruined if they told the pack about their relationship. Derek had made some sort of sarcastic comeback but quite honestly Stiles had completely forgotten it because it was followed by a mind melting kiss. Later Derek had looked him in the eyes and in a moment more sappy than Stiles thought possible of Derek he was told, "I will never be embarrassed of you, Stiles. I would never want to hide from the pack that we're together."

They had also had the more morose conversation about what to tell the pack about how they came to be together. Stiles didn't feel quite ready yet to tell the pack about his secret. In the end they had agreed to just try to play the whole thing casually and hope it blew over without too many questions asked.

So in that moment when every eye was trained on them, Derek reached over to Stiles and grabbed his hand. Then, as if nothing unusual was happening he dove right into pack business. At one point Derek started rubbing his thumb lightly over Stiles' hand as he held it. At another point Stiles scooted closer to Derek and leaned his head against the alpha's shoulder. Scott's eyebrows seemed to have disappeared into his hairline at that point but the rest of the pack was taking it in stride.

The Alpha Pack had been quiet lately so there wasn't a whole lot of pack talk needed. Derek had decided that finding out some more about the Alpha Pack would be wise so he asked Stiles to see if he could dig up records for them anywhere at the station. Scott offered to help and they made plans for the next Thursday after school. The rest of the werewolves would have a training session to make sure they hadn't lost any fighting skills in the lull between fights.

Pack business wrapped up fairly quickly after those tasks were assigned and despite the amused looks still being directed their way no one had actually said anything to Derek or Stiles about the very obvious PDA. As they were leaving that night Stiles heard Allison laughing loudly at Scott as she asked, "You seriously never saw that they liked each other? How could you possibly have missed that?" Scott muttered some sort of answer as his face lit with embarrassment and they left.

Stiles stood for a second frowning at the air as he tried to figure out how Allison, and apparently the rest of the pack, had known before he did. He was pulled from his thoughts by the pair of well-muscled arms that wrapped around him from behind and the head that buried itself in his neck. Derek's voice came out quiet, muffled by Stiles sweatshirt, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm good." Stiles answered with a smile.

Derek turned him around so they were facing each other and he looked deep into his eyes. Stiles felt like Derek was seeing his soul. Maybe he was. "You weren't alright earlier. I could smell the fear and panic on you."

Stiles shuffled his feet, feeling little awkward from all the soul staring. "I was just worried that they would find out more than I wanted them to. But it went over fine and apparently with the exception of Scott everyone was just waiting for us to get together."

Derek tried, and failed, to hide his laugh at that fact. The sound made Stiles grin madly and dissolve into his own laughing fit. It was the kind of laugh that makes you sides hurt and it the sight of Stiles being so happy warmed Derek's heart. As Stiles fought to calm his laughter down, Derek stepped even closer to him and gently tilted his face up so he couldn't avoid eye contact. The intense stare got Stiles to quiet down quickly. The love in Derek's eyes was simply amazing to Stiles and he wasn't sure he would ever be used to seeing it.

Then those eyes were closing as Derek leaned towards Stiles and their lips met in a gentle kiss. Stiles leaned into the kiss eagerly and while one hand rested on Derek's chest the other traveled up to tangle in his hair. Derek responded by deepening the kiss and wrapping his arms more thoroughly around Stiles. Stiles gave a small moan when Derek's tongue pressed against his lips and Derek took the opportunity to delve into Stiles' mouth with enthusiasm. Stiles would have sworn later that the sounds he made were very manly. He would have been lying.

Reluctantly Stiles pulled away after a few minutes. "Derek, I have to get home. My dad will be wondering where I am." Derek grudgingly released Stiles and walked with him to the door. He stole one last kiss before watching Stiles walk away from him and to his jeep. This would be the first night since Ground Zero that Derek didn't stay with Stiles through the night. They were both a little nervous about it but Stiles knew that they couldn't keep hiding Derek in his room without his dad noticing.

The night passed smoothly and when Stiles woke up he marked another day clean on his calendar. Seven days since Ground Zero. A lifetime to go.

* * *

Thursday came around quickly and Stiles met Scott in front of the police station as planned. They walked in casually and asked to see the sheriff. They also happened to know that the sheriff wasn't there at the moment so when the officer behind the desk informed them of that fact Stiles feigned surprise.

"Oh, I must have heard him wrong. I guess he asked me to meet him at 5 o'clock, not 4. Sorry. Can we wait for him in his office?"

With a look that clearly communicated, 'I really don't want to deal with a couple of teenager's right now so don't cause me any trouble,' Stiles and Scott found themselves being let into the back of the station. They went straight to the sheriff's office and Stiles quickly locked the door behind them. It wouldn't keep out the sheriff since he had a key, but it would keep out everyone else.

"Alright, here's the plan." Stiles whispered. "I can get into my dad's computer so I'll see if I can dig anything up on there. You start in on those file cabinets. We have at least half an hour before dad gets back from patrol."

"Why are you whispering? There's literally no one close enough to hear you besides me." Scott replied with a roll of his eyes. He obligingly went over and opened the first file cabinet as he talked though so Stiles counted it as a win. He sat down at his dad's desk and started his own search without another word.

After twenty minutes Stiles heard a very audible sigh. "Man, there's nothing here. Are you having any luck on the computer?"

"No. I've pretty much exhausted every place to look on here too. It's like Deucalion and his pack don't even exist. You'd think people like that would at least have a misdemeanor on their record or something. You can't be that evil and not on the wrong side of the law right? I mean even Derek has a record and he's one of the good guys."

At the mention of Derek there was a very sudden and noticeable curiosity in the air. Scott slowly turned to Stiles with a grin and asked, "So, speaking of Derek, want to tell me what happened there?"

"Uh…would you take no for an answer?" Stiles responded with a slight plea in his voice. He hadn't had time to concoct a fake story for when things changed between him and Derek.

The look Scott gave him made it very clear that, "no," would not be an acceptable answer. Stiles' fears were confirmed when Scott added to his look by saying, "I'm your best friend. I have certain rights. One of which included getting the story before anyone else does."

Stiles cleared his throat uncomfortably as he tried to think of a plausible explanation. "Well, honestly," he started, "Derek just happened to come across me at a time when I was feeling a little down. He cheered me up and as we were talking he may have confessed to me. I'd liked him for a while so we decided to start a relationship. There's nothing too dramatic about it."

Scott looked at him accusingly. "Dude, why would you even attempt to lie to a werewolf?"

Stiles gulped. "It wasn't a lie. It's all true."

"It may mostly be true, but you should have heard your heartbeat when you told me that it was nothing dramatic. Whatever happened was much more than you're making it out to be."

"Scott I-"

"Stiles? What the hell are you doing on my computer? And what is Scott doing in my files?" At the sound of the sheriff's very angry sounding voice Stiles froze. He was still looking at Scott and he wondered briefly if Scott's look of panic was mirrored on his own face.

"Hey, dad." He choked out. "We were just waiting for you and we got bored. I thought maybe I could read up on some of your sheriff techniques. You know, in case I ever need to solve a mystery. You know how I like me some mysteries once in a while. I wanted to prepare for them better." Stiles was talking a mile a minute as his brain worked frantically to get him out of this situation. It came up blank.

The sheriff's gaze shifted over to Scott. "Scott, can you leave us please? I need to talk to my son alone."

"Yes. Sorry. I'll leave." Scott briefly looked back at Stiles with what appeared to be sympathy but then he ducked out of the room. As he walked back out of the station Scott winced as he heard the sheriff start yelling at his son.

"You think, after 17 years, that I can't tell when you're lying? Stiles, I'm the sheriff! Give me some credit for not being as gullible as you act like I am. I want to know what you are getting into and why."

"Dad I… I can't tell you. I'm sorry. It wasn't anything really important, and we didn't find anything anyway. Also, we put everything back where we found it…"Stiles voice trailed off. He found he couldn't look at his dad as he spoke; afraid of the disapproval that was most certainly written on it.

The sheriff's voice when it came again was quiet and full of sadness. "Son, I don't even know who you are anymore. I don't know how to deal with you or what to think. I did everything I could to raise you right after your mom and now all I can do is try to figure out where I went wrong. I'm disappointed, Stiles. Tell me how I can get through to you."

"You didn't-" Stiles voice broke. He tried again, "You didn't do anything wrong, dad. This is all on me. I'm sorry. I really, really am. I wish I could tell you everything but I just can't. I'll go home and consider myself grounded." The sheriff nodded briefly and turned away from Stiles. It was clear the conversation was over. Stiles slowly stood up from his dad's desk and walked out the door muttering one last, "I'm sorry," on his way.

* * *

Derek waited impatiently at Stiles' house for Stiles to return from his mission. It wasn't like it was a dangerous mission or anything but it was the longest Stiles had been out of Derek's sight other than school or sleep and he didn't like that one bit. He brightened a little, as much as it is possible for Derek to brighten, when he heard the sound of Stiles' jeep pulling in at last. Derek was on his feet and headed to the door before the engine had even cut off.

He heard the door creak open right as he was opening the front door and he immediately started asking questions. "What did you find? Anything useful? Anything at all? Where's Scott?" Derek stopped long enough to really get a good look at Stiles. That was when he let the scent of Stiles register in his mind. Tears and stress wove throughout the normally wonderful smell that was Stiles. He looked like he was being crushed by the weight of the world and he was swaying slightly on his feet as if reeling from shock. As quickly as he could Derek closed the distance between them. His hands went to Stiles shoulders holding him steady. "Stiles, what happened? What's wrong?"

"My dad…I keep disappointing my dad. I'm trying to do the right thing, fight on the side of the good guys, and my dad thinks he failed me as a parent. He thinks he did something wrong and it turned me into someone he can't handle. I'm a terrible son. I lie to him all the time and I can't fix it." Stiles looked into Derek's eyes pleadingly. "Derek, how do I fix this? I can't lose my dad. I just can't."

Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles' shaking shoulders and pressed a light kiss onto his forehead. "We'll figure it out, Stiles. I won't let you lose your dad. It's going to be okay."

'I'm scared Derek."

"Don't be." Derek whispered as he rubbed slow comforting circles into Stiles' back.

"No, you don't understand, Derek. I'm scared because right now I can't get the thought out of my head that I still have a razor upstairs." Derek froze but Stiles just kept going. "I keep thinking of how quickly this feeling would go away if I just went and grabbed it. I keep remembering the feel of it on me. I can't get it out of my mind. The fact that you're physically holding onto me is the only thing stopping me from being inside right now and digging the razor into my skin."

Derek's was trying desperately to reign in his feelings as Stiles continued on. Stiles' voice was coming faster and getting higher with every word as he visibly inched towards a full blown panic attack. "Derek I feel like I'm drowning. I can't breathe. It's like I'm being crushed by something and the only way to relieve the pressure is with that stupid razor hidden upstairs. I'm terrified of what I will do if I get ahold of it, Derek. Help me. Please, please, help me, Derek. Don't let me go."

Derek made a concentrated effort not to crush the teenager in his arms by hugging him too tightly. It broke his heart to hear the fright in Stiles' voice and it terrified him to realize that he had no way to help the boy except to just keep holding him. He had the presence of mind to pick Stiles up and get him inside the house and into his room but beyond that there was nothing to do but support Stiles. Derek laid them both down on Stiles' bed and Stiles instantly tightened his grip on Derek. He had stopped talking now but his breathing was coming fast and short. In Derek's arms the teenager trembled and shook as he tried to ride out the fear and stress that was gripping him.

Derek realized that he was muttering small words of love and encouragement into Stiles' ears and he wondered idly when he had started doing that. He didn't recall ever making the conscious choice to even say anything. He was glad that his unconscious mind had made the decision for him. It seemed to be helping Stiles.

Long into the night the two lay intertwined on a bed that was honestly too small for two people. As each hour passed Stiles' breathing got a little more normal and his shaking got a little better. Sometime around 3 in the morning Derek was relieved to hear a soft snore that signaled to him that Stiles was out of danger.

In the morning Stiles told Derek he never actually had a razor. He had just been confused in all his panic. This time, Derek noticed the slight change in heart rate and he recalled the moment Stiles had told him he had given Derek all his blades and his heart had beat just a little faster that day too. As Stiles silently got ready for school, Derek tried his best to figure out how he was going to get the boy to give up the razor he was clearly holding onto as a last resort. When Stiles left, Derek methodically and systematically searched every inch of Stiles' house for the elusive razor.

He never found it.

_AN: One chapter left. I know the general direction I'm going to go with it but I still haven't decided if it should end happy or if it should end sad. Either way, I will have it up within a week._


	4. Fading Slowly

AN: This got longer than I intended. Oops. Umm…Angst warning… Very angsty.

* * *

Fading Slowly

Stiles was getting really sick and tired of being shoved into lockers by the Alpha Pack twins. He was also tired of being shoved into desks or into doors. He knew that they were just doing it to start fights with his werewolves but he was a bit annoyed at the seemingly permanent bruise on his shoulder. It had been three months since the Alpha Pack had done any actual fighting with them but their little daily annoyances persisted unabated. Still, it made Stiles a little bit happy to know that the Alpha Pack considered him to be pack to the werewolves despite his distinctly human body. A part of him was glad they didn't just ignore him.

It had been two months and three weeks since he last cut. It has also been two and a half months since Stiles had last touched a blade. The day after he had let slip to Derek that he had a razor still Stiles had carefully removed the blade from underneath his soap and placed it instead into the glove box of his Jeep. Stiles knew that Derek would look for the blade, but he wouldn't think to look outside of the house. Stiles was reasonably certain that Derek continued to search whenever Stiles wasn't home. Good thing that is Stiles wasn't home it meant neither was his razor.

He would be lying if he said that his eyes weren't drawn to his glove box on occasion but so far he hadn't even opened the compartment since putting the razor inside. Seeing the pride in Derek's eyes every day he didn't cut was enough to convince him not to cave into the pressure. The pressure was less now anyway, he no longer hungered for the pain the way he had at first. It was less of a burning desire and more of a dull ache in the back of his mind. He could ignore it for the most part and for those moments when he couldn't he had Derek.

Today though all he could think about was how angry he was at Derek.

Two days ago Derek had finally had enough of finding bruises on Stiles' body. He had given Scott and Isaac the task of following the alpha twins discreetly in an attempt to figure out where they lived. It was the final step before all the forced calm between the two packs would burst. Derek wanted to break the fake image of peace and deliver a warning to the alphas. He wanted them to know that everyone in his pack, humans included, was to be left alone.

Stiles had been fine with this idea. In fact he had supported it whole heartedly because in theory it would lead to much less face time between him and the various hard surfaces of the school. Then Scott and Isaac had returned the next day with the news of the pack's location and it had all gone south. The planning was fine at first, basic break in and threaten pack with bodily harm strategy, and then Derek had looked Stiles in the eye and said, "We'll let you know how everything goes."

For a second Stiles just stared blankly, not quite processing the words. Then he felt the slow build of anger inside him. "Why am I not going to be there?" He demanded. "If I'm pack, then I should be at pack events. Fights included. I'm not helpless you know. You don't get to be sheriff's son and not learn a few things about self-defense."

Derek sighed and started to reach out to Stiles' hand. "I know you're not helpless." He responded as he tried not to react to the way Stiles had shoved his hand away. "Stiles, I don't want you there because I don't want you getting hurt. You may be able to defend yourself but I don't want to risk it."

"What about the rest of the pack? What about Allison and Lydia? They're human and you're not outlawing them from going. Do you not care if they get hurt?"

"They're different, Stiles. Allison has been trained by hunters and Lydia can protect herself far better with her magic than you can with basic human defenses."

Stiles heard his voice raising as he fought to get control of his feelings. "Shouldn't it be up to me if I am willing to risk my life? Do you think I'm okay with just watching you all head towards a fight without knowing if you'll come back? Derek, I need to be there. This should be my choice."

"Well it's not!" Derek roared. "You are not welcome to come. I won't have you getting in the way of the fight."

It was then that Stiles stood up and walked out of the room. He was furious at Derek and pissed off at everyone else for not standing up for him. 'Getting in the way,' Derek had called it. Stiles laughed humorlessly. He hadn't gotten in the way all the times he'd saved all their asses.

* * *

Derek snuck in his window later that night. Stiles didn't even look at Derek, he just stated, "I've been through a hell of a lot worse with this pack than one stupid fight. I'm not so fragile that I would break as easily as you act like I will."

Derek's voice was soft and pleading, "Stiles, I wish you would realize just how fragile you really are. I know you're not weak. You are stronger than I am in some ways, but against an alpha werewolf you're no stronger than a piece of paper." There was silence for a few moments. "Stiles, I'm not telling you you can't go because I think you're going to get hurt. I'm saying you can't go because I'm not strong enough to face the thought of losing you. It's not you that's too weak, it's me. If you're there by my side I won't be able to think or fight properly because every moment I'll be afraid that the next second could be the one where I watch an alpha tear you apart. I can't lose you. It would kill me."

Stiles swallowed past the emotion that welled up in his throat at Derek's words. Quietly he asked, "Don't you realize that losing you would kill me too? I want to be there fighting by your side because that's where I belong. I belong with you; helping you and doing everything in my power to make sure we both come out alive."

"I'll see you after the fight." Was the only response he got.

After a minute of silence behind him Stiles finally turned around to look at Derek only to find him already gone.

* * *

The next day at school he stubbornly avoided the entire pack despite their attempts to reason with him. Lydia even volunteered to stay with him instead of going with the pack. Stiles had responded briefly only to tell her that he didn't need her pity. When the final bell rang Stiles watched as four werewolves and one well-trained human piled into Derek's Camaro and drove off. Lydia was suspiciously absent.

Stiles waited long enough for the Camaro to be out of sight and then he dashed for his Jeep. Throwing his backpack across the seat and practically diving into the vehicle he quickly started the car and sped out of the parking lot towards the Alpha Pack fight. In his rearview mirror he thought he saw Lydia running after him telling him to stop but he kept going. As he drove, Stiles reached for the gun he had stored under the seat the night before. It was loaded with wolfs bane bullets that he had stolen from Allison back when Allison had been actively trying to kill Derek.

The gun felt heavy in his hand but Stiles had been raised knowing how to shoot and he knew that when it came down to it he could easily shoot someone to protect his own pack. He arrived at the abandoned warehouse that the alphas were supposedly living in only to hear a very angry sounding Derek.

"Where the hell are they? Are you sure this is where the twins came?"

"Yes." Isaac's voice piped in. "There was no mistaking it. Besides, the whole place smells like them. They've obviously been here."

Stiles crept closer until he could look through the large door at the members of his pack all standing around in confusion. Something was clearly wrong and Stiles didn't like the sound of things at all.

There was a small shift in the wind and Stiles thought nothing of it until he suddenly saw Derek's eyes narrow slightly in concentration as he took a deep breath through his nose. Derek's head snapped up quickly and his gaze met Stiles' horrified expression. 'Shit' Stiles thought as he quickly pulled his head away from the door and plastered himself to the outside wall pretending to be invisible. Derek growled loud enough for even Stiles' weak human ears to hear and all Stiles could think about was what he would say when the angry alpha of his pack came around the corner.

Inside the warehouse Derek had only taken a single step towards him when he caught a glimpse of something much worse than Stiles. The gleam of claws and fangs nestled deep in the shadows of the room. When Derek caught Kali's eye she grinned viciously. From the other side of the room Derek heard a chilling laugh start up.

"Derek, Derek, Derek… You didn't really think that we would live somewhere so pathetic did you? I'm pretty sure the abandoned building is a little bit old fashioned for a werewolf den. However, it is a fantastic place for an attack." Derek growled again and turned towards Deucalion's voice. When he turned, he was met with the sight of the rest of the Alpha Pack creeping out of the shadows towards his pack. Without hesitation, Derek threw himself at the nearest alpha and the fight began. Scott was at his side in an instant helping him fight the giant werewolf that the twins had become. Isaac and Allison fought Ennis while Boyd and Erica attacked Kali.

Stiles, alerted by the sounds of a fight, had returned to the door of the warehouse. He released the safety on his gun and waited patiently for a clear shot at someone. Every hit he saw his pack take had him crying out on the inside. He wished he could step fully into the fray and help them fight hand to hand but he knew his only chance was with the gun in his hand so he stayed put and out of danger. Just like Derek would have wanted.

Derek fairly quickly noticed that Stiles was back at the door. The look on Derek's face when he saw Stiles there was a perfect mix of fury and fear for Stiles but he swiftly covered the emotions and tore his gaze away from him. Looking at Stiles would only draw attention to him and that would make him a target. Derek just hoped that Stiles didn't do anything to draw attention to himself.

No sooner had that thought left his mind; he heard the crack of a gunshot reverberating through the warehouse. Derek cringed and risked another glance in Stiles direction to confirm that Stiles was in fact the one who had fired the shot. He couldn't tell who Stiles had shot at but he could tell that whoever it was had been hit. The growl of fury was proof of that.

Stiles watched Ennis fall as he rapidly prepared for another shot. Isaac and Allison were staring in shock down at Ennis as he clutched at the wolfs bane bullet imbedded in his side. Isaac was the first to snap out of it and he met eyes with Stiles. Stiles winked at him and leveled the gun at Kali who had completely stopped fighting Boyd and Erica in favor of trying to reach Stiles. She was halted in her tracks as Erica tackled her from behind and Boyd helped keep her pinned to the ground moments later.

Stiles shifted his attention to the twins now that Kali appeared taken care of. Derek and Scott were still fighting furiously. Derek caught Stiles eyes a few times and each time Stiles noticed the death glare coming from his alpha. Scott on the other hand merely looked impressed by Stiles and even flashed him a thumb's up at one point. Finally Stiles saw a clear shot at the twins and he took it. They broke apart into their separate bodies the instant the bullet hit and Stiles didn't bother paying attention to which twin actually had taken the bullet.

The reason he didn't pay attention to this seemingly important detail was that quite suddenly he noticed that someone else's breath was brushing against the back of his neck. "Well, I guess maybe there was a reason you were included in this pack. You seem to be more dangerous than I thought." Deucalion whispered from behind him.

Stiles gasped and Derek's eyes widened as he whipped his head around to look at Stiles. The twins were no longer a threat as one rushed to the aid of the other. Ennis was on the ground as he tried to dig the bullet out of his side and Kali was still pinned down with two betas sitting on top of her. Ethan ignored the tension around him as he struggled to pick up Aiden and he quickly left the warehouse without a second glance to the rest of his pack; caring only about his twin.

After that, no one in the warehouse moved. The silence permeated both packs as they all tried to process the stalemate they were at. Deucalion could kill Stiles in a heartbeat and everyone knew it but Deucalion also was smart enough to realize that his entire pack was down and if he killed the human he wouldn't stand much chance against five angry werewolves and a pissed off hunter. Instead, he slowly wrapped his hand around Stiles' throat, claws extended, and enjoyed the brief stutter in the boy's heart. He couldn't kill the boy, but he could use him as leverage to get out.

Deucalion started walking backwards slowly; Stiles forced to walk back with him to avoid the claws digging into his neck. As they neared the door Stiles was desperately trying to come up with an idea to get out of this mess. His eyes connected once again with Derek's and he saw nothing in them but panic and agony. 'At least he's not angry with me anymore.' Though Stiles bitterly.

"Let him go." threatened a high yet incredibly dangerous sounding voice from behind Deucalion. Stiles couldn't see her, but he would recognize Lydia's voice anywhere. Deucalion barely reacted but his claws did briefly tighten on Stiles' neck drawing a weak whimper from his throat and a low growl from Derek.

Everything happened very quickly after that. Derek gave a brief, almost unnoticeable nod to Lydia and the next thing Stiles knew he was standing on his own with a writhing Deucalion at his feet. Lydia was standing triumphantly holding up a syringe and she smiled as she told him, "I injected him with Mountain Ash."

Stiles' grin equaled hers and he turned back to the warehouse to soak in their victory only to be met with the sight of Kali finally tearing herself free from Erica and Boyd, throwing them to the ground, and charging towards Stiles with a furious cry. He stepped back involuntarily and tripped over Deucalion behind him. Out of nowhere, Derek, still not healed from his fight with the twins, was meeting Kali's attack head-on and Stiles watched in horror as Kali's claws plunged straight through Derek's abdomen. Derek slumped to the ground coughing up blood and Kali kicked him out of the way.

Scott and Isaac had reached Kali by then and were soon joined by Boyd and Erica. They got her back down and Lydia raced to their side to plunge the needle into Kali and incapacitate her.

Stiles was on his feet and running to Derek before he even consciously thought about it. Dropping to his knees beside the werewolf he gingerly rolled Derek onto his back and gasped at the damage that had been done. Derek groaned weakly and more blood came trickling out of his mouth.

"This is all my fault, Derek. I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you." Stiles could hear the hysteria in his own voice as he stumbled over his apologies. Derek weakly grasped Stiles' hand and squeezed, trying to assure the boy that he wasn't to blame. Then Derek passed out. The rest of the pack had arrived by then and they were carefully picking Derek up and carrying him to his car.

Allison hovered for a moment behind Stiles who was still kneeling on the ground mumbling apologies. "Stiles? We need to get him to Deaton. Are you coming?"

"Yeah." Stiles replied after a pause. "I've got my Jeep here; I'll meet you guys there."

Satisfied with his answer, Allison gave a quick look around to all of the fallen alphas to assure that they wouldn't be getting up soon, and then she followed after the pack and her badly wounded alpha.

Stiles was up and in his Jeep within five minutes and he drove slowly towards the vet office. As he drove his mind kept repeating, 'All your fault. All your fault. Derek is probably dying, maybe already dead, and you caused it.'

Stiles let out an angry yell and slammed his hand onto the steering wheel in frustration. He pressed his hands against his ears and tried to shut out the voice that told him Derek was dying because of him. If he hadn't shown up to that fight Derek might not have gotten hurt. Derek might not by dying.

Stiles yanked the wheel to the side and screeched to the edge of the deserted road. The car jerked to a stop as Stiles threw it into park and his hand was already tearing open the glove compartment. He froze for a second as the metallic glint of the razor stared back at him, then with shaking hands he reached just a little further and wrapped his fingers around the cool metal.

His hands ceased their trembling instantly as he made contact and he greedily pulled the blade to him. He tore off his sweatshirt and with a steady hand, and a voice reminding him of his guilt, he started to carve into his arm. He watched the blood start to run down and as he kept cutting he found that he could drown the voice with blood.

* * *

Derek jerked awake as he was laid down on Deaton's cold examination table. He snarled in fury for a moment before recognizing that his pack was around him. His eye faded from red to a pain stricken blue gray. He shuddered as Deaton cut open his shirt revealing the wound to the cold air around him. Derek's eyes darted around the room meeting each pair of frightened pack eyes but he couldn't find the pair of eyes he needed. "Stiles?" He managed to ask.

Scott stepped forward and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, careful to avoid any wounds. "He's fine. You saved him. He should be here soon."

Derek absorbed this information and seemed to process it for a second. Scott was surprised to see horror overwhelm the pain in Derek's eyes. For a terrifying moment Derek started to try to get up. He lurched halfway off the table before six pairs of hands managed to push him back down. "What the hell Derek?" Scott bit out. "You're half dead; you can't just get up and go. Stiles will be here soon."

"Let go!" Derek yelled, with a lot more energy than he thought he had. "You don't understand. None of you understand. You need to find Stiles now!"

"Derek, he just took a different car than us. It's not a big deal. Why are you so freaked out?" Boyd inquired.

* * *

Stiles stared in horror at what he'd done. Sticky blood coated his car and his body and for the first time he realized with terror that the bleeding wasn't stopping. He had been so desperate to drown out the voice that he hadn't realized the cuts he was making were deeper than he had ever dared cut before.

He reached for the sweatshirt that he had discarded and tried to staunch the blood flow but within minutes his once gray sweatshirt was as stained as red as the rest of him. He found that his fingers wouldn't respond properly anymore as he tried to grip the sweatshirt. They felt weak and brittle as he tried to press down on the bleeding wounds. Fuzzy gray spots started to dance in his vision and the dizziness made him lean against the coldness of the Jeep window in an attempt to stop the world from spinning.

'If Derek survived, he's going to kill me.' Stiles thought.

* * *

"The last think I remember," Derek ground out, "was Stiles beside me blaming himself for everything. Trust me when I say that is a very, very bad thing and Stiles does not have the time for me to explain it to you. Leave! Find Stiles!"

Erica was the first to pick up on the seriousness of the urgency Derek felt. Without a word she turned on her heel and walked out of the vet clinic. Scott followed quickly after with Isaac and Boyd trailing after him. Allison and Lydia stayed with Derek to assist Deaton in whatever way they could. Every few minutes Derek would try to lift himself off the table and get to the door but his energy kept giving out on him before he made it. If he wasn't busy trying to escape he was staring blankly at the ceiling above him and desperately begging any god who would listen to let his pack get to Stiles in time.

* * *

Erica and Boyd had split off from Isaac and Scott to go check Stiles' house. They arrived to find the sheriff home but he told them he hadn't seen Stiles since that morning.

* * *

Scott and Isaac retraced the path from the vet to the warehouse. About halfway between the two they rounded a curve in the road and saw Stiles' Jeep parked at a strange angle halfway off the road. Black skid marks and the still present smell of burnt rubber made the two young wolves realize that Derek may have been right about Stiles.

Scott assumed panic attack. He had been around enough in the days after Stiles' mom had passed to know that Stiles had them occasionally and Scott couldn't think of a better reason for Derek to have been so scared for Stiles. Clearly the alpha knew Stiles would be overwhelmed and unable to breathe through the attack. Scott found himself filled with the same fear Derek had. What if they hadn't made it in time?

* * *

Lydia was nearly in tears as she watched Deaton work on Derek's wounds. "I'm so sorry, Derek." She whispered. "The only thing you asked me to do was to keep Stiles safe and away from the fight. I tried to catch him in time but my teacher held me after class to talk about some stupid project and Stiles got away. I'm sorry. If you die it will be my fault."

"I'm not the one you should be worried about." Derek said quietly.

* * *

It was then that Scott realized that he had frozen in his tracks while staring at the Jeep. He had been broken out of his trance by the anguished cry tearing from Isaac's lips. Scott was at the Jeep in an instant and was met with a sight that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Stiles was leaning weakly on the door trying feebly to stop the flow of blood cascading down his arms. His hands shook violently as he pressed a dirty sweatshirt to the gaping wounds. Scott had never seen him so pale and his eyes were fluttering wildly as he clearly fought to stay conscious.

Scott tore his eyes away for a second as he took a deep and steadying breath, then he flew into action and took control of the situation. He tore open the door, catching Stiles as he fell against him. He quickly handed the half conscious boy to Isaac and motioned for Isaac to get in the back seat with Stiles. Isaac complied without hesitation and Scott threw himself into the driver's seat as he did his best to ignore the slowly cooling puddle of his best friend's blood that he was sitting in. He steered the car back onto the road and drove faster than he ever had before to the hospital.

Behind him, Scott heard Isaac typing out a text with shaking fingers.

* * *

Derek finally felt Deaton pull away with a satisfied smile. His work was done and Derek was healing on his own just fine now. Derek was off the table and out the door before Lydia, Allison or Deaton could react. He pulled out his phone as he ran and found that he had a text. His heart almost stopped when he read it.

"Found him. Meet at hospital. Hurry."

* * *

In the back Scott could hear Isaac begging Stiles to stay with them. Not to shut is eyes. Not to give up. Scott also heard the soft wheezing breaths that came from Stiles pale lips as his lungs fought to keep working despite the limited blood his heart was providing them with. Scott listened to each drop that fell from the still bleeding arms and he cursed every single one. He focused in on the faltering heart beat that was his only sign of his friend's continued life. Each pump pushed more blood out but also kept Stiles alive for another few seconds.

As he pulled in to the hospital emergency entrance Scott had to strain to hear the weak heart still fighting valiantly. As the doctors came rushing out pushing a gurney in front of them Scott heard the heart skip a beat. As Isaac placed the pale body on the gurney and the two wolves watched the doctors wheel Stiles away as fast as they could Scott realized that Stiles' heart had stopped.

Down the hall Scott heard a doctor calling a code blue and he heard the sound of paddles being charged with electricity. "Clear!" He heard the sharp sound of impact as hundreds of volts of electricity pulsed through the small and weak body of his closest friend. Scott and Isaac walked numbly through the hospital doors, trailing blood after them, and sank into the first two chairs they found.

Derek burst in and stared at them with wild eyes as he took in the blood covering them. He couldn't find the words to ask Scott where Stiles was so he was glad when Scott gave a half-hearted motion in the direction the doctors had gone. Derek strained his ears in that direction, trying to hear the heart-beat of his mate through all the chaos of the hospital. Instead he heard the high pitched sound of defibrillator paddles charging up. Derek sank to the ground as shock overtook him.

In the distance Scott heard a doctor yell, "Clear!" and he shuddered as he heard the jolt of power again and the slight jerk of Stiles' body.

* * *

AN: This got longer than I expected, so there will most likely be one last chapter. I'm not certain. Ending it this way would let me avoid having to choose whether to have a happy or sad ending. Hmm… Decisions.


	5. Survivor

AN: Alright, this really is the final chapter. I promise.

* * *

Survivor

With a faint and shuddering sound, Stiles' heart weakly resumed its beating. Down the hall the pack relaxed visibly and Derek gasped in air when he realized he had forgotten to breathe for a minute. He eased himself back up of the floor and started shuffling slowly down the hall towards the heartbeat that was trying so hard to keep Stiles alive.

Scott and Isaac rose from their chairs to follow their alpha and they all peered through the window as best they could into the room Stiles had been wheeled into. Scott felt Derek inhale sharply as he saw the damage Stiles had done for the first time. Deep gashes covered his arms and against the pale white sheets, Stiles looked like a ghost, the red stain still seeping from his arms was spreading slowly outwards. Doctors and nurses surrounded the bed methodically hooking him up to various medical instruments while one nurse moved to apply pressure to the wounds and another hooked up a blood transfusion.

Derek shuddered as he watched the scene unfold. His mind struggled to reconcile the image of Stiles laying half dead on the hospital bed with the smiling energetic face that Stiles so often wore. Derek turned away from Stiles unable to watch anymore. He leaned against the wall for support and put his head in his hands trying to squash the sight of such a broken Stiles from his mind.

After he had regained control, Derek quietly reached out for Scott, placing a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "Thank you." Derek said hoarsely. "Thank you for finding him. You saved him."

Scott nodded, not quite ready to talk. He was still in shock from the events of the past hour. The next ten minutes were just as stressful. Twice Stiles heart had slowed down dangerously again though it never fully stopped. About fifteen minutes after Derek had arrived, Boyd and Erica showed up with the sheriff in tow. Everyone had backed up to allow the sheriff some space as he went to look in on his son. The look on his face was one of grief and unspoken agony. It was a face that looked like it had aged a decade in the minute it had taken to tell him his son may be dying.

Soon after the sheriff arrived, a doctor had come out to talk to the small crowd gathered around Stiles' room. The doctor looked tired and everyone did their best to ignore Stiles' blood on his arms. He looked from one face to the next until he found the sheriff's eyes and stepped towards him. "Your son is stable, sheriff, but he has lost a lot of blood. Our main concern at this point is brain function. Your son's heart stopped beating and it took us four and a half minutes to resuscitate him. There is a chance that it caused his brain to go long enough without oxygen that permanent damage was caused. We won't know until he wakes up. You are welcome to go in when you are ready. Get ahold of someone if he wakes up and we can come assess any issues."

The sheriff didn't miss the distinct, "if," he wakes up. Neither did Derek and Scott. The sheriff steeled his shoulders and reached out to shake the doctor's hand. "Thank you. Thank you for what you have done."

Then the sheriff trudged past the doctor and into the room holding his only family in the world. As he walked he seemed to be crumbling inwards and the second he was through the door he crumpled into a chair. The pack followed him into the room and found various places to sit as well. Isaac and Boyd ended up sitting on the floor because they would rather do that than have to wait outside. Lydia and Allison finally arrived as well and were smart enough to commandeer some chairs from outside to bring into the room.

Scott watched the sheriff as he slowly grasped his son's hand. The sheriff's hand shook when it met with cold skin. "Why, Stiles?" He asked in a broken whisper. "What drove you to this?"

The pack didn't quite know what to say. After all, most of them had no idea what was going on either. Derek looked around the room at his family, breathing in the scent of their confusion and pain. His eyes settled at last on the pale body that they were all here for. Stiles didn't smell right. He didn't look right or feel right either. He smelled like medicine and looked like he was dead. Derek had never seen the hyperactive teen so still. Derek concentrated on the soothing beat of Stiles' heart and the steady rise and fall of his chest. Even the high pitched beep of the heart monitor eased Derek's mind. Staring at the boy in front of him Derek built up his courage to finally admit what was on his mind. "It's my fault."

Sheriff Stilinski looked up at Derek and waited for him to explain. So, in the sterile white hospital room standing beside his half dead mate, Derek shared with the pack and with the sheriff the struggle Stiles had been fighting. He told them how he found out about Stiles cutting and how he had agreed to keep it secret. He told them about removing dangerous items from the house. He spoke of the long nights he and Stiles had spent in each other's arms as Stiles fought the urge to break open his own skin. Through it all his audience remained quiet except for the occasional gasp. Derek finally looked up from Stiles' face and into the eyes of the sheriff. He was silent but there were tears in his eyes as he stared back at Derek.

Derek took a deep breath and spoke his next words to the sheriff. "Sir, I made the choice to protect Stiles on my own. I was arrogant in thinking that I would be able to protect him without you and the rest of his friends. Today that arrogance almost killed him. It still might." Derek's voice almost broke but he kept going; this time addressing the entire room again. "If Stiles and I had trusted you and confided in you then this would never have happened. Instead of me being the only one looking out for him he would have had his whole family and you could have protected him when I failed. I'm sorry. I could have stopped this. If you guys had known," this he directed only to the pack, "then you never would have left him alone after what happened earlier." Derek was staring at the ground now; his guilt felt like it was crushing him.

Scott stood up then and walked over to Derek. He placed a reassuring hand on Derek's back but didn't say a word. Everyone was looking either at Derek or at the sheriff as they waited for some kind of response.

When none came, Derek said in a voice so quiet it was barely audible, "If you want, I will leave your son's life. I would understand if you don't want me to be a part of it anymore. Before I go though I need you to understand that what your son did was not done out of weakness. He is the strongest man I know and he will continue to grow stronger. He loves you and wants to make you proud. Please let any anger you feel over what Stiles did fall on me and not him. He has enough on his shoulders already."

Derek walked to the side of the bed and gently stroked Stiles' pale cheek with his thumb. He leaned down and placed a light kiss on the boy's forehead and then, fighting back the emotion threatening to spill over, he turned to leave the room and Stiles behind forever.

"So do you." He heard from behind him.

Derek halted at the sound of the sheriff's voice but didn't face him. "I don't understand." He stated.

The sheriff stood up then and moved towards Derek. "You said my son had enough on his shoulders already. Your shoulders have too much on them too. I wish you and Stiles had come to me with this sooner, before things got this bad, but I understand why you didn't. You never could have known it would come to this."

Derek faced the sheriff now, not quite knowing what to think of the sheriff's response.

"Regardless of whether or not you made the right call, I can see that removing you from my son's life would only cause him pain. From the sound of it he has too much pain in his life as it is. I won't add to it." The sheriff took a deep breath and looked around the room. "However, I am sick and tired of all the secrets being kept from me. I hope this was the worst of them. Regardless, I want to know them all. If any of you intend to remain at my son's side you are going to tell me what has been going on for the past year. All of it."

Scott cleared his throat and softly asked, "Would you believe it if I said werewolves?"

The sheriff sighed in exasperation. "Scott, this is hardly the time for jokes." He said as he turned around to look at Scott. Or at least who he thought was Scott. Where Scott had been standing there now stood a much hairier version of the Scott he had known for years. The sheriff couldn't seem to string enough words together in his mind to respond. His mouth gaped open and he took a quick step backwards in shock.

The grotesque Scott rapidly shifted back to regular Scott and he rushed towards the sheriff. "Sir? Are you alright? I'm sorry, that was really sudden. I should have eased you in a bit more. I know it's a lot to take in. You're right though. You needed to know and we've been lying for far too long."

The sheriff wasn't looking at Scott though. He was looking around the room at the rest of the teenagers. Isaac would have sworn he could hear the gears turning in his mind as he tried to decide if every single person in the room was a werewolf. His gaze finally landed on Stiles and a look or horror crossed his face.

"Stiles isn't a werewolf." Scott quickly assured him. "Neither are Lydia or Allison."

Sheriff Stilinski cleared his throat to speak, "The rest of you are though? Every single one of the rest of you are like Scott?" Small nods came from the wolves. "How exactly did my son become involved with werewolves?"

The sheriff listened in silence as Scott told him about Stiles' adventures with wolves that had started with a silly notion to look for a dead body. Finally he got to the events of that day. "And then we decided to attack the Alpha Pack ourselves. We told Stiles not to come. Of course Stiles followed us anyway. Actually, he saved our lives. We were all but beaten and then he stopped the Alpha Pack almost singlehandedly with a little help from Lydia. One of the werewolves tried to attack Stiles though and Derek got in the way. Derek got hurt worse than usual and we had to take him to Deaton."

"Deaton? The vet?" The sheriff interrupted.

"Yeah. He knows about us. I'm not honestly sure why or how. I'd tell you if I could but he's a bit of a mystery to us too. I just know he always helps us out. Anyway, Stiles told us he'd meet us at Deaton's and we left with Derek. We just… left him there…" Scott sounded anguished as he thought about what had happened because of the pack leaving Stiles alone earlier.

Derek spoke up from the doorway where he had been lurking. "When I came to in Deaton's office I told the pack they needed to find Stiles. I knew he would blame himself for me getting hurt and that he was in danger. I tried to find him myself but I couldn't even get off the table. Isaac and Scott found him and brought him here."

"So that's it then." The sheriff muttered mostly to himself. "It certainly clears everything up. Werewolves. I didn't see that one coming."

A nervous laugh rang through the room as the pack finally relaxed. The sheriff wasn't trying to shoot them or drive them out of Stiles' room so all in all telling the sheriff had gone much smoother than they ever would have thought. No one really knew what to say after that so instead everyone settled in to wait for some movement from Stiles. Derek came fully back into the room and, after receiving a brief nod from the sheriff telling him he was welcome, he pulled his chair right up next to Stiles and sat down. He took Stiles' hand in his and he, like the rest of the room, waited.

* * *

Three hours later the room was mostly empty. The sheriff and Derek were the only two still there. Sheriff Stilinski had insisted that the rest of the pack go get themselves some food. He insisted Derek go too but Derek steadfastly refused.

When they were alone the sheriff glanced at Derek and asked, "So how long have you been in love with my son?"

Derek stared at him with wide eyes.

"Don't act so shocked. You weren't exactly being subtle. You haven't let go of Stiles' hand in hours. You look at him with nothing but love in your eyes even though you clearly try to let it not show. It was pretty obvious that being a werewolf wasn't the only thing you were hiding."

"I didn't know if it was my place to tell you." Derek responded. "Stiles was worried you wouldn't approve."

"Why would he think I wouldn't approve? I would never have a problem with him being gay."

Derek looked embarrassed. "Actually, he was more concerned with the fact that I was a suspected murderer on the run from the law at one point."

"Oh. That. Well maybe I would have had an issue before you told me everything else, but now I finally have the whole story. It seems pretty clear that you're not who I thought you were."

Derek looked relieved and a brief smile crossed his face as he looked back down at Stiles.

"Derek," the sheriff continued, "I know you blame yourself for this, but you need to understand something. If you hadn't chanced upon my son that day and found out what he was doing, we would never have ended up sitting in a hospital at his bedside." Derek flinched at the words but the sheriff continued. "We would have instead been sitting around a coffin." At that, Derek lifted his head again to look at Sheriff Stilinski. "Derek if you hadn't known his secret, there would have come a time when things got bad enough in his life for him to lose control like this. Only no one would have known about it. He would have died all alone in his Jeep if you hadn't known to tell the others to find him."

Derek didn't answer, but it was clear that he was taking the sheriff's words to heart. A little piece of his guilt flaked off.

* * *

Another half hour passed in companionable silence and Derek had volunteered to go get some coffee for them both. Then, as the sheriff sat alone at the side of his son's hospital bed, he noticed the first flickering signs of consciousness. It was small at first, just a finger twitching, and the sheriff almost convinced himself he had imagined it. Then Stiles had blearily opened his eyes, squinting at the light above him. Sheriff Stilinski sat frozen, afraid that if he moved he might break the spell. Stiles slowly turned his head and with a confused look he whispered, "I was expecting to see mom."

Sheriff Stilinski launched out of his chair and threw his arms around Stiles. He eased his grip quickly when he heard the slight hiss of pain Stiles let out but he stayed sitting on Stiles' bed with his arms around the boy. "No, Stiles, you're not dead. You gave it a good try but you pulled through. Don't you ever do that to me again."

Stiles wrapped his arms around his dad as best he could with all the medical instruments attached to him and he buried his face in his dad's broad shoulder. "I'm so sorry, dad. I never meant for it to go so far."

"Yeah, son, I know. It's just a good thing you have an entire werewolf pack to protect you."

Stiles stiffened instantly. "Umm… What are you talking about?"

Sheriff Stilinski smiled. "Scott told me everything. From what I hear, I raised a damn fine hero." He sobered a bit and the smile slipped from his face. "I said some pretty terrible things to you when you kept lying to me. I still don't appreciate the lying but I should never have said the things I did. I'm sorry son. I'm proud of you and I always will be."

Stiles smiled brighter than he had in a long time. They were silent for a minute and then Stiles broke the quiet, "So, werewolves? Of all the things you thought I was keeping from you did you ever think it was werewolves?"

The sheriff and Stiles looked at each other and both started laughing. "No. On my list of things you might be hiding werewolves wasn't even a thought."

Stiles' laughter tapered off and Sheriff Stilinski turned to see what he was looking at. Derek stood in the doorway, holding two coffee cups, beaming at the two of them laughing together. Of course as soon as he saw them looking at him he stopped smiling and tried to pull off his tough werewolf persona again. That only made Stiles and the sheriff start laughing again.

Sheriff Stilinski stood up then and clapped Derek on the shoulder. "I'm going to go find a nurse. They wanted to be told when Stiles woke." He took the coffee from Derek's hand and gave him a look as he left that clearly meant, 'I am leaving to give you two a moment alone before the others find out he's awake. Don't waste it.'

Stiles stared at Derek for a moment and then dropped his gaze to look at his bandaged arms. His voice trembled as he murmured, "I'm sorry."

Derek had the boy wrapped in his strong arms in an instant. "Don't say that. Please don't say that." He whispered into the boy's hair. "You aren't the one who failed."

Stiles pulled back to look at Derek through watery eyes. "But I promised not to do this anymore. And not only did I cut, I almost killed myself doing it. I can't believe I was so stupid."

"No one blames you, Stiles. You were hurting and scared. You reacted the way you taught yourself to react. I didn't expect years of habit to disappear in just two months. You shouldn't have expected that either."

"I should have been strong enough to resist it."

Derek had to struggle not to growl in frustration at the boy. "Stiles, give yourself more credit. You are strong. You saved all of us. Just because you have a moment of weakness does not make you a weak person. If I was half as strong as you are I would be the alpha that I want to be. The alpha that I fight to be. I see in you a strength I could never hope to attain. You are my strength. I can't even begin to express how terrified I was when I thought I might lose you."

Stiles searched Derek's eyes for some sign that he was lying but all he saw was sincerity and love. Then Derek was leaning in towards him slowly and he gently pressed his lips against Stiles, as if scared to break him. Stiles smiled against him and returned the tender kiss. Derek pulled away first to the protests of Stiles. Derek smiled at him and took his hand before explaining, "The pack is almost to the door."

As he spoke the words the door was flung open by Isaac who came bounding in and straight up to Stiles' bedside. He grinned from ear to ear and sat down on the edge of the bed. "You have no idea how good it is to see you awake." He exclaimed.

The rest of the pack had squeezed into the room too by then and Scott made his way to the front of the small crowd. He approached Stiles quietly and hugged him tightly, being careful of his damaged arms. Scott and Stiles shared a moment of silent communication where Stiles apologized with his eyes and Scott made it clear that he was just glad he was okay.

There were a lot of hugs that night and a lot of tears shed. The doctor came in to check on Stiles and declared him to be fine. The nurses came in a few times to try to ask the pack to leave but it was pretty clear they had no intention of going. Morning found them asleep and scattered around the room. At some point in the night Derek had crawled onto the bed with Stiles and Stiles' head was resting comfortably on Derek's chest.

* * *

Time passed and Stiles was cleared to leave the hospital. Eventually his arms healed leaving behind far more scars than he liked. Derek told him he was beautiful and that his scars just proved how strong he was.

Once Stiles had his strength back Sheriff Stilinski insisted on improving his self-defense skills and the two spent long hours sparring. Derek often showed up to help and then he would stay for dinner. The three would spend hours laughing together and the sheriff would smile every time he saw Stiles reach for Derek's hand or Derek staring at Stiles like he was the best thing that ever happened to him. Every night, Stiles and Derek would share a smile as Stiles marked another day free of cutting on the calendar.

There were still struggles, there always would be, but Derek gave Stiles strength. Stiles gave strength right back to Derek and together they defeated the monster of addiction that had tried to take Stiles away.

* * *

AN: I decided to go with the happy ending. Mostly because I wanted the sheriff to have the chance to reconcile with his son. Anyway, hope you liked the story. If you have any ideas for new stories for me to write let me know. I'm on the lookout for new ideas now that this one is done.


	6. Epilogue

Epilogue

* * *

Stiles gently run his finger along the faded scars that decorated his arm. He was surprised to find Derek's hand suddenly laying on top of his own, halting the movement. Stiles looked up into his mate's eyes and his heart melted at the gentle smile he saw on Derek's face. That look of love and adoration would never get old.

"It's been a year." Stiles whispered in amazement glancing back down to their hands entwined on top of his arm.

Derek didn't say anything, but he lifted Stiles' arm to his lips and tenderly kissed the marks upon his skin. There was a flash of pain in Derek's eyes, there always was when he looked at Stiles' scars, but it was gone quickly and Derek pulled Stiles closer as he murmured, "I'm proud of you." into his hair.

They didn't often have moments like this. Derek and Stiles had come to an unspoken agreement that they just didn't bring up the topic of Stiles' brush with death unless it was needed. Even a year later the memory was still too fresh for both of them and it incited feelings they would rather not deal with. For Stiles, the topic always brought with it the anger he felt towards himself for being so stupid. For being so weak. Derek felt the fear of losing his mate and the helplessness of not being able to do anything as Stiles' heart had struggled to keep beating. All in all, it was a topic best avoided.

This was an exception. For once the memory had a twinge of happiness to it because it was being brought up with the knowledge that Stiles had been clean for a year.

"I wouldn't have been able to do it without you." He told Derek seriously. "You know as well as I do that there have been times this past year that I almost caved in. You were always the one who held me through them."

An indignant voice piped up from the next room, "Excuse me? Hate to eavesdrop on you two lovebirds but I would like to state that we all helped too."

Stiles and Derek started laughing, the seriousness of the moment broken by the teasing tone in Scott's voice. Through his laughter Derek sighed, "I guess that's our signal to get up."

Stiles slowly stretched as he clumsily rolled out of bed, spurring more fond laughter form Derek who stood up with much more grace. They could hear Scott and Allison getting up in the room next door and on the other side of them Erica and Boyd were beginning to stir. Derek was pretty certain Lydia would already be downstairs, probably micromanaging Isaac as he attempted to cook breakfast.

In the past year, Derek's pack had moved in with him one by one as their 18th birthdays had come and gone. Together they had completely rebuilt the Hale House from the ground up. Finally, Derek could say with certainty that his pack was a family and not just a pack of abused teens. The love he had once had with the original Hale pack had been reborn in this wonderful pack he had cobbled together.

Stiles finished dressing first and turned to give Derek a quick kiss before heading out of the room. Scott was leaving his own neighboring room at the same time. Scott grinned at Stiles and wrapped him in a hug. "All kidding aside, Stiles, Congratulations. I know this hasn't been an easy journey for you and we're all just glad we still have you."

When Scott released him Stiles noticed Allison standing behind Scott waiting for her own chance to hug Stiles. He felt tears of happiness start to prick at his eyes as he was flooded with the thought of how much his pack loved him. As Allison pulled him in for a hug Stiles told her, "If this is what you guys are going to act like all day today I'll just kidnap Derek and escape from you guys for a while. You're going to make me all emotional."

Scott scoffed, "And you think being alone with Derek will have fewer emotions?"

"Well it will have fewer clothes." Stiles said with a grin.

At the same time that Scott faked retching noises; Derek emerged from the bedroom and stated, "I am completely on board with that plan."

Allison just shook her head at the group of them and headed down the stairs laughing. She called out behind her, "Well you may not want to stick around for the one-year celebration, Stiles, but you'll be missing out on what smells like some delicious blueberry pancakes."

"Well I'm sold. We can always escape from the rest of the pack later." Stiles told Derek with a wink before he raced down the stairs.

Isaac shot him a smile from where he was flipping over a pancake. Lydia was at the kitchen table with a book in her hand, but the flour in her hair suggested she had also helped with breakfast. Stiles slid into the seat next to her and she turned to him with one of her most radiant smiles. It was so bright it almost hurt to look at.

Lydia didn't say anything, but the brief hand squeeze she gave him before returning to her book told Stiles that she was just as happy as the rest of the pack today. Scott and Derek had joined the breakfast crowd and the stack of pancakes on the table started to slowly diminish.

With a yawn, Boyd rounded the corner into the room. "Hey, don't eat all of those." He demanded, snatching a pancake up and eating it with his hands.

Erica followed behind him and playfully snatched the half eaten pancake from him before finding her own seat at the table. "Way to go, Batman." She cheered as she looked at Stiles.

Isaac dumped the last batch of pancakes on the table and sat down himself to dig in. There was a companionable silence as they pack ate and the room practically oozed with contentment. Stiles noticed the looks that kept being aimed at him, but they were looks of pride so he didn't mind. This was a good day and a good thing to celebrate.

Besides, the pack needed this celebration. Lately it seemed every time the news was turned on there were stories of a new thing headed across the country; some strange occurrence that had started happening in New York and spread west. Stiles and Derek had talked about it a few times, trying to decide if the reports had to do with something supernatural or not, but they had not come to any conclusion. Ultimately it seemed that whatever was coming was going to hit California in a matter of weeks, maybe less, and they still had no idea what it actually was.

So in light of the uncertainty, it felt nice just to sit around as a pack and celebrate life. In particular, celebrate the life they almost lost. For one day they forgot about the troubles of the world and they just hung out together. Sprawled across the floor of the living room they marathoned movies and devoured junk food. Derek's hand never once left Stiles' and Stiles was pretty certain that Derek was spending more time watching him than the movie. Derek did that sometimes. It was as if he needed to reassure himself that this wasn't a dream. He had to be certain that Stiles really was sitting here with him and not lying dead in that hospital room.

For dinner, Stiles' dad showed up with pizza and Scott's mom provided cake. The night wound down with smiles and laughter. Stiles got more hugs than he typically got in a month. Slowly the pack dozed off, still tucked together with blankets and cushions on the floor in front of the TV. Stiles and Derek smiled sleepily to each other as they joined their pack in sleep, hands still wound together. This was one day that the difficulties looming on the horizon could not touch.

* * *

I added an epilogue so I could make the official announcement of a sequel. I will get to work on it immediately. If you guys have anything specific you want to see in the sequel let me know :) Thanks for liking my story so much.


	7. Sequel is Up

Smell of Blood sequel is started and the first chapter is up. Go check it out. "The Smell of Rotting Flesh"

Sorry it took so long to get the first chapter up and thank you to all the people who have enjoyed this story. I hope you enjoy the sequel just as much.

Also: This entire fic is being rewritten and it has gotten a lot better. The story is the same but with the help of finally having a beta, I have added literally thousands of words to flesh the story out and make it more cohesive. Check out The Smell of Blood on my page.


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